Amber Eboni 7/15/22 Amber Eboni 7/15/22

Episode Three Transcript - The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week?

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Hello and welcome to The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week? This work week was a little stressful for me, but luckily I stumbled upon a Japanese drama that helped me to relax and unwind and I’d like to recommend it. It’s called Why I Dress Up For Love and I found it on the Rakuten Viki app.

The drama stars Haruna Kawaguchi, who plays the female lead , Kurumi Mashiba, who is a publicist for an interior design company, as well as Ryusei Yokohama, who plays the male lead, Shun Fujino, who is a talented chef that owns and operates a local food truck. This show is my introduction to these actors, and I want to watch other dramas they’re in now because I was not disappointed at all. The leads had great chemistry and the story surprised me, but in a good way. Why I Dress Up For Love is relatively short, only ten episodes, but it works because the story quickly pulls the viewer in.

Kurumi has had a one-sided crush on her company’s president for several years. She posts on social media religiously throughout the day, setting alarm reminders during optimal times, both for work and for her personal Instagram. She does this so that she can build up her social media presence and reach her goal of a hundred thousand followers on her personal account. She figures that more followers will bring more exposure for the company, which in turn will allow her to help the person that she likes succeed. She intends to tell the company president how she feels once the store has launched successfully, because he asks her to see the cherry blossoms with him on that day.

The company has mostly operated online, but the story begins with the employees preparing for the opening of their first brick and mortar store. Kurumi is busy and because of that she forgets to renew her lease. Luckily, she has a friend – a homeowner, who is successful in the culinary world but wants a fresh start after divorcing her husband and is planning on studying abroad – and that friend offers her a place to stay. It’s a bit misleading though because Kurumi doesn’t know that her friend’s house is a share house until she moves in with her belongings. She actually ends up moving into a “room” that’s basically the size of a walk-in closet. Her life gets even more complicated when she finds out, on the day of the store launch, that the company president – the person who is the ultimate motivation behind her work – has abruptly resigned. With so many drastic changes, she suddenly feels lost. How will she navigate life now that her expectations of what it would be like have unexpectedly changed?

Why I Dress Up For Love is a love story, clearly, but it’s not the kind of love story that I thought it would be, which made it quite refreshing to watch.

I’d like to talk about some of the parts of the show that excited me and resonated with me the most, but there might be some spoilers ahead so please keep that in mind!

I hadn’t read the synopsis before watching this show and so I didn’t know the president that she liked resigned. When he did, part of me assumed he’d come back and they’d get together by the end. The person she ends up with though is one of her housemates that she bonds with after she’s left feeling lost. To me that was unexpected, and honestly as a viewer I would’ve been fine whether she ended up alone, with the former company president or her housemate, Shun. There were many times throughout where I wasn’t sure how it would end.

Something that resonated with me immediately and kept me watching was that Kurumi had been working for years towards a goal for a particular person and then that person abruptly left. She’s naturally upset and confused by this and doesn’t know what her next steps should be. At work, they initially tell her to stop posting on social media until a new president is chosen. And then once news of the president’s resignation is released prematurely, when she’s in the rush of handling social media in the aftermath, the new president tells her she can retire her personal account whenever she’d like now that her old boss is gone. So the question becomes, what does she want? To keep posting or stop? The person she posted on her personal Instagram for has already vanished, so is it worth it to continue?

After I lost a loved one, I experienced the same sort of situation. I’d been writing for most of my life and then suddenly it didn’t seem to matter to me anymore. Who exactly was I writing for? I realized then that over the years a large part of me had been writing for that person. Not so that I could be acknowledged by them, because they had already acknowledged who I was and believed in who I could be, but I wrote hoping that I could become successful enough to help them financially. Without that motivation, I didn’t know what I wanted in life anymore. I wondered if writing was something I should still pursue or not, especially since I had mostly received rejections from the industry. I used to be able to dedicate time to writing on weeknights and weekends for months without a problem. But then my life changed and some days I was able to work on book projects faithfully, while other days, I found myself unable to put words on the page. That person’s voice would be in my head, a memory of them asking me if I’ve written lately, and that would be enough for me to keep going at times, and so I would keep trying. But then a deep emptiness would develop within me after I finished something with just a mustard seed of hope, only to then be turned away by others, most of them strangers, but also some people that I knew. It was a cycle of rejection and anticipation, that has ultimately led me here. I should probably be working on my work in progress as I record this, but instead, because I’m currently in that empty, in-between stage, I’m trying to express myself in another way. If I write, I know now, it can’t be for the acceptance, approval or benefit of anyone else, it has to be for me. And I’m still trying to figure out if writing, if being a novelist, is still something that I want to pursue. I often ask myself, ‘Is it something that I’m capable of doing?’ If so, then, ‘Who am I writing for?’

Unlike me, Kurumi realizes rather quickly that she wants to continue posting on her social media account. Shun tells her in Episode Two, and I quote, “Although I lost everything, I can see better now.” “See what?” she asks him, to which he responds, “Myself.” He chased success in the past, trained in Spain at a famous restaurant, then returned to Japan and became a head chef at a new restaurant, but he didn’t know how to manage people so the restaurant failed. As a result, he’s developed a minimalist lifestyle, completely opposite of Kurumi, where he detaches himself from wanting external validation and success, and from wanting to consume and own unnecessary things, even a home. After all, so many purchases and life decisions are often made just to impress others, or adhere to societal expectations, and if lost they end up hurting our sense of self, and our self-worth. So he tells her to live her life however she wants, even though he often encourages her to not stay glued to her phone all the time. She takes a photo of something she randomly likes, and afterwards she realizes that she’s been posting on her social media account for herself all along.

In Episode Three, her supervisor tells her to take a paid vacation around the same time one of her housemates, an artist, learns that her work is in contention for a prize at an art museum. All of the housemates decide to go camping nearby so that they can offer support. The artist doesn’t win, and Shun tells her, and I quote, “Other people’s opinions don’t matter, just be proud of yourself.” I really loved his character’s point of view throughout the show. He truly wants to be detached from caring about other people’s opinions and judgments, and that’s an admirable thing. What’s even more wonderful about it though is that we also see him struggle with this as time goes on. This way of thinking may look like it comes easy to him, but internally he has to constantly remind himself that he doesn’t need anything outside of himself, that he’s fine without attachments and living on his own, for himself. It’s a little surreal to even talk about because it’s sort of a reflection of where I am currently in my life. It’s such a realistic view of someone in his situation. He’s failed before, so he’s scared of being dependent on others, of wanting something more because he could lose it all again.

The artist is upset because she’s lost this prize, because she views it as her last chance. Her art career hasn’t taken off, and she’d applied for that prize many times and never got recognized, so that moment felt like it could be hers, a chance to finally reach her dreams, but she was wrong, and it wasn’t. Later on in the show, she seriously considers quitting, not making art anymore, and just getting a real job instead of painting and working somewhere part time. When she chooses to continue after throwing out all of her artwork, then panicking the next day, because she thinks the trash collectors took everything, and that she’d lost her work forever, only to find out her boyfriend brought it back into the house – it really affected me. When you’re creative, it really is so hard to give up your passion. It’s also exhausting, and difficult and demoralizing though, to toil away and never see that work that you make bear any fruit. Still, in many ways, it’s rewarding in and of itself, being able to produce something out of nothing. Self-expression itself means something, even without recognition from others.

The love between the main characters is a bit understated. I truly wasn’t sure at times who she would end up with. The female lead has chemistry with both the male lead and the second male lead. The company president ends up returning to Tokyo, after disappearing to start a new venture in Turkey without letting anyone know. He sends some of his belongings to Kurumi and ends up running into her upon his return after losing his luggage. She asks her friend if he can stay at the share house with them, and so the three of them live together – Kurumi, Shun, and her former boss. Shun preaches minimalism and not wanting ownership of anything, but he also gets jealous of the company president because he knows the female lead has liked him for a long time. Yet, it’s clear to the viewer, at this point, that the female lead is basically already in love with him, he just sends her mixed signals, not wanting to define their relationship for most of the show and being hot and then cold whenever he feels insecure about the president’s place in her heart, which complicates things.

Because she doesn’t end up with the president like I thought she would, it made me wonder if she truly ever liked him or if she simply admired him for what he had built. She too wants to become a buyer, and I liked that by the end of the show she quits her job so that she can start her own store. The company wanted her to wait a couple years for a transfer but, instead, she followed the mantra of the company president which was some variation of - “your someday is now.” That thing you want to do someday is something you should do now, because you’ll just keep putting it off into the future, otherwise. There are a lot of insightful points of view provided in the show by various characters, I’m only highlighting a few key examples.

In the end, both the female lead and male lead forge their own paths instead of bending to traditional expectations. Shun has an opportunity to make up for his previous restaurant failure by returning as a chef for a couple months when the restaurant owner is in dire need of assistance at a new iteration of the establishment that he left. Instead of being carefree, he returns to his old persona, a dedicated chef eager to gain the approval of customers. When he gets an offer to be the head chef at a new restaurant in Hokkaido, though, after considering it, he ultimately turns it down and chooses to remain in charge of his own destiny. He maintains his food truck, and by doing so, continues to set his own expectations for his life. Similarly, as I mentioned earlier, Kurumi leaves the interior design company to open up her own store and is able to follow her own vision, picking items that she loves, sharing them with others while utilizing the contacts she made in her previous role to create a successful venture on her own terms. It’s inspirational to see them work so hard to make their dreams a reality and find happiness along the way.

Overall, this was a very cute drama that is well written and worth watching. I haven’t outlined all of the swoon worthy aspects, but at its heart it checks all the boxes you’d expect in a romance. It’s just that it also has a lot of interesting perspectives on life which stood out to me. It isn’t bogged down by unnecessary conflict, instead each scene matters and ties into the larger story being told. Even the side characters storylines are interesting.

There’s one last scene that really stirred my emotions that I’d like to discuss. In Episode Nine, when the homeowner’s ex-husband is in the hospital, the artist drives her there to make sure that he’s okay. During a subsequent conversation, the ex-husband says he has no regrets in life. Contrary to what his ex-wife believes, he says he’s happy with the life that he’s lived. The artist isn’t convinced by this, she wonders if he can really be satisfied with his life. What if he had only chased after, but couldn’t accomplish, all of his dreams? And in response, the homeowner’s ex-husband talks about how when he passed out on the sidewalk, he thought about the life he’s lived and told himself, ‘I’m a person who went after their dreams.’ And that truly was enough for him to not have any regrets in life.

I really loved that, and I think it’s the perfect note to end this episode with. Sure there are romantic scenes in this drama that will make you blush, but for me it was the other aspects of the show, discussions about real issues that creatives face, and about the unexpected challenges all of us at some point must overcome, that truly sets this show apart from other shows that I’ve watched.

Thank you so much once again for listening to this episode!

If anyone is listening to this and would like to share what got them through the week, please comment on this episode’s post on our Instagram page WhatGotMeThroughTheWeek, or by email at whatgotmethroughpodcast@gmail.com. The transcript and audio for this episode will be posted on HyssopandEbony.com.

Until next time!

Amber Eboni 7/10/22 Amber Eboni 7/10/22

EPISODE TWO TRANSCRIPT- THE BUTTERFLIES ON THE CONCRETE PODCAST: WHAT GOT ME THROUGH THE WEEK?

(Audio for this podcast can be found under the Podcast Tab on the navigation menu.)

Hello and welcome to The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week? This week I’ll be discussing my favorite drama, You Are My Glory.

You Are My Glory is a Chinese drama that aired last summer on Tencent Video and WeTV. You can find it on the Tencent App and also on Tencent Video’s YouTube Channel.

The drama stars Yang Yang, who plays male protagonist, Yu Tu, who is an aerospace engineer, and Dilraba Dilmurat, who plays the female protagonist, Qiao Jingjing, who is a famous actress. I first watched Yang Yang in Love O2O and I loved him in it. He’s also great in the drama, The King’s Avatar. I first watched Dilraba in Pretty Li Hui Zhen, which is a remake of the hit Korean drama, She Was Pretty. I would also recommend watching her in The Flame’s Daughter.

You Are My Glory is based on a novel written by Gu Man. Gu Man also wrote the novel that Love O2O is based on, and the novel that the drama Boss & Me is based on, which is entitled Shan Shan Comes to Eat. I mention Boss & Me because it’s another drama that I absolutely adore, it’s in my top three favorite shows overall, and so I will certainly discuss it in a future episode as well.

You Are My Glory is mainly a romance drama, but it also has some very funny moments throughout, and for anyone who feels like they’re behind in life, or who feels lost, it offers some truly relatable and comforting moments as well.

At its core, it’s a story about a famous actress who reunites with her former crush after ten years when he’s in the midst of a quarter-life crisis of sorts. He was a top student back when they were in school, and when she asked him out, he rejected her, but over the years she’s since blossomed into a superstar. He, on the other hand, is on leave from his job as an aerospace engineer debating whether or not he should give up on his space exploration dreams for a more lucrative career as an investment banker.

One of the many brands Jingjing endorses is a game called, Honor of Kings - which I believe is a real game, so that’s an example of excellent product placement, I suppose. The company behind that brand, in the show, believes that she’s a competent gamer, and right when her endorsement contract is up for renewal, someone she knows screen records her poor gameplay on an alt account of hers and leaks it online. Because of this, she ends up trending on social media with people criticizing her for being fake, but then she’s given an opportunity to show off her true skills through a competition at an upcoming gaming event and prove the keyboard warriors wrong. The problem is she’s actually terrible at gaming, and she happens to be up for a role in a movie that’s thematically all about being genuine and authentic, so if people find out she lied, her manager worries she might not get the part. Because of all of this, she needs someone to coach her in the game. Her manager’s husband initially trains her, but it doesn’t go very well. Through the game, when she’s practicing, she sees her former crush, Yu Tu’s user ID as a friend connection and he ends up inviting her to play by accident. He’s a genius at all things, and so naturally he’s very skilled at the game and so after playing with him and his friends for a while, she eventually asks him to teach her how to play. He agrees to help her to some extent through the game by guiding her while she, while she’s playing so that she can improve. But it isn’t until Jingjing’s manager mentions in passing that it’d be great if her ‘online friend’ could somehow teach her in person, that she decides to reveal her identity to him by making up an excuse for him and her to meet. He agrees to coach her in person while he’s on leave from his job at the Aerospace Research Institute. As he coaches her, the two of them start to grow closer, because they’re spending more and more time together, but one question still lingers throughout the first half of the drama - will Yu Tu’s self-doubt, and insecurities cause him to miss out on love?

Five things that I love most about this drama overall are:

#1 – Yu Tu’s concerns about his income and his feelings of questioning where he is in his life are totally valid and very much relatable for anyone watching, but especially for those of us in their late twenties/early thirties, or even older. Looking at my life and wondering ‘what have I accomplished?’ is like a daily event for me, so I understood those emotions immediately. Some viewers might be less appreciative of his character if they haven’t dealt with those emotions or thoughts before, thinking that the plot is too slow or boring, but I truly enjoyed watching him overcome those doubts and concerns with Jingjing’s support.

#2 – Watching it is just so rewarding as a viewer. The story is essentially divided into two sections, before Yu Tu comes to his senses and afterwards, so while the first half of the show shows Yu Tu’s introspective and brooding side, once he makes up his mind about what he wants, the second half is filled with so much fan service. So many romantic scenes and happy moments. In life, in general, the waiting period is difficult, you know, that time in between who you are and who you want to become, it can feel like forever, but just like with this drama where if you make it to episode 21, you will be rewarded, you just have to be patient in that waiting season and it’ll be worth it in the end. At least that’s what I tell myself so I can keep moving forward.

#3 – There’s no love triangle or square in this drama. Not that I don’t enjoy those storylines but it’s refreshing that this show has exes show up every now and then, but they’re mostly on the periphery. They help move the plot forward just enough without being actual, viable options for the leads to reconnect with. They don’t really create any major obstacles either.

#4- The majority of the conflict in the drama is internal, and most of the tension comes from the main characters hesitating about whether they should pursue what they want in life. And even then it’s mostly just Yu Tu. For instance, Yu Tu tries to resign, and he has mixed emotions about it because his colleagues and professor and even Jingjing suggest at some point that he should stay and do what he loves in spite of his financial concerns.

#5- The characters are so authentic and fully developed. While Yu Tu is the character who hesitates and overthinks things most often, when he’s not buried in his own thoughts he can be confident and flirtatious and clever, and he’s always brilliant regardless of what his mood is. We get to see all sides of who he is, the fun and the troubled parts, which makes his character someone you as a viewer want to see happy. I rooted for him so much as he overcame his concerns and took steps towards the life that he wanted. Jingjing is bright and cheerful, but also thoughtful and supportive and empathetic. She’s the opposite of Yu Tu in that she doesn’t overthink things, she simply lives her truth unapologetically. When she’s upset, as a viewer you feel her pain, when she’s joyous, you’re glad to see it. Both of the lead actors are very expressive in their portrayals of their characters.

Some additional commentary I have is that I really hope that they’ll be in another drama together at some point. I feel the best way, uh, to describe the chemistry between them since this drama deals with space exploration is to say that their chemistry is out of this world. You Are My Glory is a perfect romance drama. It’s extremely well written and superbly acted. It’s a slow burn romance, where the main characters don’t fall in love immediately, but even so it’s well paced, and it’s extremely satisfying to watch because the viewers expectations are constantly being exceeded, while also being subverted in some key ways, which I’ll talk about in a bit.

I also wanted to say that I hope that there will be a South Korean remake of this drama. I feel like Lee Ji-eun, Moon Ga-young, Shin Hye-sun, or Lee Sung-kyung would be great in the female lead role, and maybe Kim Soo-hyun, Park Bo-gum, Park Seo-joon or Ahn Hyo-seop, uh, as the male lead would be really, really cool. But I haven’t heard any news about a remake yet so we’ll see what happens.

Before I end this episode, I want to talk more about my favorite parts of the drama in detail so if you haven’t watched the drama yet, or you haven’t finished it yet and you don’t want to hear any spoilers, you should stop listening now. To be fair, um, every episode has a purpose, and it’s difficult to even choose what to mention here because there are literally aspects of each episode that I adore.

I’ll start off by saying that I’ve rewatched the first half of the drama the most. Although I love the happy and sweet moments they share in the second half of the drama, I always find myself going back and rewatching Episode Twenty One and the episodes leading up to it the most. There’s something about seeing them reunite and get to know each other again, becoming more and more comfortable with one another as time goes on, and then seeing him create distance between them because he’s insecure about what he has to offer her as a partner. Um, he feels like he doesn’t have enough money, and that he won’t have enough time to be with her, when in reality she doesn’t care about how much money he has because she’s always been more interested in who he is as a person, and because of her profession she’s just as busy as he is, if not more.

This show is really effective at showing the way our minds – and our friends and society at large - can convince us that we’re not enough even when that couldn’t be further from the truth. There were several conversations Yu Tu had with his college friend and temporary roommate, where his friend reassured him that it was better to leave his current position so that he could find a higher paying job, but then also invited him to a reunion of college classmates who then judged him for wanting to start over in a new career because he’d be making entry-level salary. All of which just left Yu Tu visibly shaken, and conflicted and feeling bad about his life choices. I’m not saying he was a bad friend. He was good spirited and seemed warm hearted, I’m just saying his role in the drama was a good reminder – in my opinion - to make sure the people you surround yourself with are honest with you, but also supportive. And to make sure they aren’t people who will bring you into uncomfortable or bad situations.

Perhaps a good place to start is that scene with Yu Tu and his former college classmates in Episode Five. While he’s with them, they mock him for wanting to start over as an entry level investment banker, but then Jingjing saves him by sending a pricey bottle of wine and an appetizer to their table on his behalf because her assistant happened to see what was going on and that he was dispirited by what they said. It ends up being a turning point in their relationship because he leaves with the wine and spends time with her later that night. While he’s at her apartment, she tries to distract him from whatever’s on his mind with her bright personality. There’s more to that scene, but I’ll simply say that it ends up being a sweet interaction between the characters. Earlier in this episode, while she’s seated, um, talking to his friend through the game, in, they’re in her apartment, um, and she’s practicing, uh, he unexpectedly reaches in front of her, and brushes past her, um, so that he can turn her mic off and she can focus. And that’s just an example of the little moments, um, that are kind of sprinkled throughout the first half that really build the tension between them in a really good way.

In Episode Seven, Yu Tu asks her out and they go to the movies together. She leaves a ticket under a magazine on a table so that it doesn’t look like they arrived together. And then on the walk home from the movie she asks him why he’s quitting and she wonders if his family disapproves but then she doesn’t understand why they would disapprove because she knows he has an uncle who works in the same field. And then after she says this, it’s really funny because she realizes that she said too much, um, because she knows all these little details because she used to like him when she was, you know, in school, um, so she has to lie and say that a friend told her all of the information that she knew by heart, um, because he looks at her like, ‘How do you know all of this about me?’ you know? Um, in this episode another cool thing is that he confides in her for the first time, explaining why he wants to quit. Um, his mom had a health scare, and he wondered if it hadn’t been a false alarm would he have been able to provide the best medical care for her, or be able to take time off from work to care for her? And he knew the answer was no, because of his job. He says to Jingjing that he’s been arrogant most of his life until he turned thirty and realized that he’s accomplished nothing. In other words, this event sparked a quarter-life crisis, which as I mentioned before is very relatable, at least to me. He’s depressed about it as he reminisces once he’s back at home, but then Jingjing texts him and encourages him. She tells him that even though she doesn’t know much about his job, she’s certain that his pursuit of it is still meaningful, nonetheless. And that even if he quits, he should still take pride in what he’s done because it matters. Some people don’t even have the courage to try to accomplish their dreams, but he did. One of the ways that the writer subverts expectations in this episode is with Jingjing’s manager, who actually tells her that she wants her to fall in love after a fan posts a picture of her at the movies ‘alone,’ um, assuming that she’s alone, and it goes viral. In other dramas I’ve watched, a lot of the time, managers typically want their stars to avoid dating so that they can focus on building their careers and not risk losing their fans. Episode Seven is also when she goes to a meeting with a director and leaves Yu Tu in her apartment alone. This shows how much she trusts him even though technically they’re just acquaintances on the verge of becoming good friends.

In Episode Eleven, Yu Tu gives her his passcode for his phone because she asks him to play the game on her phone, on his phone, sorry, um, since like there’s something about the model of his phone that she wants to play the game on his phone, and so, she asks for his passcode and he gives it to her, and that just indicates, um, that he reciprocates that level of trust.

Episodes Thirteen and Fourteen show Jingjing playing in the competition that he’s been coaching her for all this time. There are some surprises during the gameplay aspect that I think are really fun, what position she plays, and how well she plays. He even gets to go on stage with her and play a round of the game during the event and he looks so happy, which feels like a rare sight during the first half of the show. Sure, before this there are lighthearted moments, but this is one of the first times we see him totally relaxed and carefree for an extended period of time.

Episode Fifteen is a favorite of mine because after building up a strong friendship and bond through gaming, Jingjing confesses her feelings to Yu Tu for a second time. The first time was ten years ago when they were in school, and she got rejected, but as a viewer you figure, you know, she’s changed now, right? She’s become someone outstanding and they’ve spent so much time together so surely he’ll accept her feelings, right? But, instead, another expectation is subverted, because he doesn’t. We’ve seen him fall for her, there are many, you know, signs that he has fallen for her, but he refuses to acknowledge those feelings. He rejects her again, only this time it’s because he doesn’t think he deserves her. He’s so cold to her, and she’s devastated but because she knows her worth, um, she doesn’t ask him why this time around, unlike when she was younger and determined to figure it out.

In the following episodes it becomes clear to him, and the viewer, that he regrets letting her go. While he’s working in the desert, he scrolls through their old text messages and listens to old voice messages and even starts writing her letters answering the questions she once asked him back when they were in school, which is, you know, something that he ignored back then.

By far, the episodes I watch the most, are Episodes Nineteen, Twenty and Twenty One, so that’s where I’ll end this discussion. She receives his letters. He’s written several of them to her and she reads them all, but because he let her go already, and she has, she has self-respect, she texts him and lets him know that those letters of his mean absolutely nothing to her. And when he sees this, he, rightly, is worried. Suddenly he realizes that there’s a strong possibility that she won’t give him a second chance. He contacts her assistant and randomly shows up at her Chinese New Year performance so that he can offer to drive her back to their hometown. When she sees him there, she’s not pleased and she’s visibly shaken. And as he stands there waiting for her, he looks so nervous. She lets him drive her home, but treats him coldly for most of the ride, sitting in the back seat during the first half of it. She asks him why he showed up and he admits that her reply scared him. He stops at a gas station, saying the gas tank is low, but really it’s an excuse to test her feelings. She goes to the restroom, and he waits for her outside, telling her that he waited because he was worried about her safety, which she shrugs off. He then walks closely beside her on their way to the car, but she pulls away from him, creating distance between them, causing him to confront her and have an open and honest conversation about how he feels. The tension in this scene – let me tell you – it is unreal. Like, it is everything you could have ever wanted, and then some. It’s built up so well. The small moments and interactions between them mean a lot. During the conversation, he asks her if his letters really mean nothing, and it’s a whole back and forth where you might think they’ll get together, but they still don’t. She’s still pretty distant towards him even after this, until she finally forgives him and agrees to be with him in Episode Twenty One. He finds out that she’s at a class reunion at a karaoke place and rushes to get where she is so that they can be together. It’s sweet. Without hesitation, after she tells him that he’s forgiven, he makes it clear that they’re, that they’re dating in front of all their former classmates. Once he knows what he wants, he goes after it with tunnel vision. Trust me, this is a drama that is definitely worth watching.

If anyone would like me to post a list of what major events happen in which episodes as reference on Instagram, or on the website, for when you want to rewatch but you have trouble remembering which episode a certain scene was in, let me know! There are so many other great scenes, but I didn’t want this episode to be three hours long so I stopped myself from mentioning every little thing that I loved, because I seriously love every detail of this show. It’s expertly crafted and performed. So, this is your sign to rewatch it if you’ve already seen it, or to finish watching it, or to start watching it if you stayed and listened to some spoilers.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode!

Until next time!

Amber Eboni 7/1/22 Amber Eboni 7/1/22

Episode One Transcript - The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week?

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Hello! Welcome to the very first episode of The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast, where I will be discussing What Got Me Through The Week.

A few summers ago, when I felt lost, numb, defeated and sad, I asked God, “Why am I here?” Because I truly didn’t know the answer. I still don’t, really. I used to think I knew, but as time goes on, that doesn’t seem to be the reason. Back then, I was still deep in the midst of grieving and adjusting to living my life without the most important person in it, because they passed away two years earlier. Around that time I came close to achieving a long term goal, but it didn’t pan out. And that one rejection was swiftly followed by several more. And soon writing, which is something that once brought me joy, didn’t make me feel anything anymore. I was also lonely, even though there were other family members and friends in my life. Nothing really had meaning anymore.

That day, as I kept my eyes down, scared to step on gum or some other gross thing on the sidewalk, I noticed a group of monarch butterflies on the road that I was about to cross.

It was beautiful, and so unexpected. Perhaps it’s common somewhere, but I, personally, had never seen it before. And it felt like an answer.

It didn’t give me a sense of purpose. It didn’t tell me why I’m on this earth. But, it did remind me that life can be beautiful at a time when I’d almost forgotten it.

That same weekend, I saw more monarch butterflies, this time on a sidewalk when I was rushing to get to my train. I struggled to write stories during that time, but in place of that I somehow heard melodies, so I ended up writing lyrics about it. The lyrics are about God’s love being magnified in the moments when we feel lost, in the moments when we’ve forgotten that He’s brought us through difficulties before so that means He can do it again. Those lyrics and that experience is the reason why I decided to name this podcast The Butterflies on the Concrete Podcast. As bonus content, I’ve included a recording on our website of a shortened version of the song if anyone’s curious and would like to listen. But please note that it’s a cappella.

The Butterflies on the Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week, is a way for me to build community with others by discussing the songs, shows and other media that have helped me get through the worst moments of my life, as well as those that are currently helping me to keep moving forward. In other words, the aspects of my life that bring me joy. I hope that even if you don’t resonate with every single episode, there will be at least some episodes that discuss topics that also bring you joy. I want to share what makes me happy each week and I hope that you also will share what makes you happy each week, too. We can exchange information this way and help ourselves to keep going, even though life is tough.

This week, though, I want to talk about God. His grace is literally what gets me through each week, wakes me up every morning, and has kept me alive thus far.

I’ve considered myself an unaffiliated Christian my whole life. However, my family only went to church a few times when I was growing up and while I pray often, I never really took the time to read God’s word. Like many people, my life has been a series of peaks and valleys, and as I’ve grown as a person, I’ve matured in my faith.

The pandemic was a turning point for me, as I’m sure it was for so many others. I was inside nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I had a moment when I asked myself in that isolation, “Why is my life like this? And, ‘Why do I have such a strong desire to be loved by others?”

Too many of my life decisions have been made because I longed to be accepted and loved by other people. In the midst of the pandemic I looked throughout my life and found that the root cause of it was an argument where harsh words had been said to me by someone, and because I was young I allowed those words to make me feel unworthy, and that led to my tendency to ignore what was best for me so that I could make someone else happy, or gain their approval and acceptance. I’ve since learned boundaries and have done the inner work so that self-love and God’s love are more than enough. Once I sat with that knowledge, having a better understanding of who I was, but still struggling with some of the things I’d been through, I started to want to know more about God, too.

In the summer of 2020 I started reading through The Bible - in order - just five to ten pages a week. There were a couple times where I stopped because I was frustrated with the state of my life, upset with God over certain experiences I’ve had, like the fact that my life was very different from what I imagined it would be professionally, and the fact that I had lost ‘my person,’ the most important person in my life, the person I talked to on the phone everyday, the person I could turn to when I needed advice, who listened to me without judgment, the only person who has ever truly loved me unconditionally. But, in the end, I reconciled my relationship with God, by focusing on how He helped me overcome so many of the difficulties that I’ve faced in the past. And so after reading the Bible a little bit at a time, I tried to gain a better understanding of who God was, of who I was praying to, and ultimately I finished this ‘assignment’ of mine, if you will, last fall.

In the New Testament, right before Jesus is tried, leading up to the crucifixion, there’s a moment when Jesus tells Peter that he will deny Him three times before the rooster crows. Peter refuses to believe it, but what Jesus predicted comes to pass. Because I don’t want to deny Jesus, I’m dedicating my first episode to Him and the Christian songs and artists that have helped me over the years.

Since I read the Bible in its entirety during the pandemic, and now study on my own a couple times a week, supplementing it with online church services, I understand how important it is for me to acknowledge Him and dedicate this first episode to Him. I’m just talking about my experiences though. I’m not forcing anyone to believe. Please keep that in mind.

I just wanted to take a moment, at the start of this new project, to show His goodness and to thank Him for getting me through not just this week, but every week of my existence.

I don’t really believe in coincidences. Most recently, I went to the bank and the teller conversed with me about certain opportunities and goals, things that had been on my heart and mind for months, that she spoke about unprompted, as if giving me a sign that I was moving in the right direction. Similarly, in the past, there was a time when I was feeling insignificant but tried my best to look confident and someone came up to me on the subway and told me that Jesus loved me. There was another time months after that when I was on the bus when a preacher sat next to me and encouraged me to read the Bible, and I hesitated. It took a year, but when finally I listened to his advice and bought one, then my entire world fell apart a month later. It’s been the ultimate test of my faith, but somehow, by the grace of God, I’m still here.

Even though I’ve had to make peace with the fact that there are some things I’ll never fully understand, I still choose to believe. God has sustained me. I have found refuge in Him when I’ve felt alone and devastated and confused. I used to make plans and write goals and now He has taught me that there is nothing that I can control. He has brought people into my life to help me heal some of my pain, people who’ve shown me that I’m not alone in what I’ve experienced. That doesn’t make it any easier to process, but in spite of the bad, I’ve gradually learned to still be grateful for the good that I’ve been able to experience. Even if it’s just the fact that I’m able to breathe and have blood still coursing through my veins. Through it all, God has carried me and loved me unconditionally, certainly not because I deserve it, but because that’s just who He is.

Some of the songs that I listen to the most, over and over again, when I’m struggling through life, which have helped me to keep going, are:

‘Psalm 42,’ ‘Masterpiece’ and ‘Never Alone’ by Tori Kelly

‘Who You Are’ by Unspoken

‘Control’ by JJ Heller

‘Stronger’, ‘Overcomer,’ ‘Out of the Dark,’ ‘I’m Still Here,’ ‘He Is With You,’ and ‘What Scars Are For’ – all by Mandisa

‘Lift Me Up’ by The Afters, and last but certainly not least –

‘If You Want Me To’ and ‘Free’ by Ginny Owens

There are certain lyrics from a couple of these songs I’d like to highlight a bit. Most of these songs are older because they became a part of my life after I graduated college and started working full time while trying and failing to figure out what in the world I was doing with my life.

The following lyrics were verified based on what’s listed on the website, Genius.com, as a reference:

So, let’s get started. First of all, the entire chorus of ‘Who You Are’ by Unspoken is a word. It goes:

“You can never fall too hard

So fast, so far

That you can't get back

When you're lost

Where you are is never too late

So bad, so much

That you can't change

Who you are

You can change who you are.”

These lyrics are so powerful because I often hear people say that other people can’t change, as if it’s somehow impossible. But that’s not true at all. The one thing that’s constant in this world is exactly that – change. Of course, a person has to do the inner work, and want to make those changes to be better, and not everyone desires to do that, or is willing to do that. But there are many people who are willing to recognize their mistakes, and understand their faults and flaws and grow, and then make the necessary changes to improve as a person and become a better version of themselves. I know that because I am one of those people. The point of this song, I think, is that if you turn to Jesus, if you turn to God, He will make you new again. If you want to change, you can. Isn’t that such a beautiful message? I know that I have changed immensely over the years. I’m not the same person I was when I was 18, I’m not who I was when I was 21, I’m not who I was when I was 25, I’m not even the person I was yesterday. God has been working on me this whole time, refining who I am. And even though I’m still very much a work in progress, I’m so grateful for his grace.

I found the song ‘If You Want Me To’ by Ginny Owens through Arden Cho, who did a cover of it on her YouTube years ago. Well, I’m not sure if it’s on her YouTube, it might’ve just been on YouTube in general, she might’ve collaborated with someone, it’s been a couple years. Um, but, I just wanted to say that when I first heard the cover, the lyrics to that song were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

Some of the lyrics are:

“I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to.”

And: “You never said it would be easy

You only said I'll never go alone.”

Every time I hear these lyrics I feel so seen, sort of like when I’m reading through the book of Job. How many times have I not understood what has happened in my life, and fought against it, agonizing over the why, only to then accept it as God’s will. I had a conversation with someone close to me about God and I told them what my relationship with God is like, and that God is important because He remains with me throughout the good times and the bad times. He didn’t magically prevent some of the most difficult things in my life, though I wish He had, but at least He has walked with me through those moments and provided a refuge for me emotionally. Only He has seen how many tears I’ve cried, how frustrated I’ve been, and yet through all of that I’m still here by His grace alone.

Which brings me to ‘What Scars Are For’ by Mandisa. Some of the lyrics are as follows:

“These marks tell a story

Of me down in the valley

And how You reached in with Your grace

And healed me’

And: ‘They show me where I’ve been and

That I’m not there any more

That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for.”

I’ve stopped asking Why, because I accept that it’s unlikely I’ll ever get an answer while on this earth. But lyrics like these give me solace and a new perspective on painful and difficult moments, and remind me that ultimately God is with me, and that gives me strength.

I made a playlist with all of these songs on Spotify and would encourage you to listen to them, um, if you’re feeling down. It doesn’t have to be through my playlist, just in general, you can find these songs anywhere, on any streaming platform, I would encourage you. Um, I couldn’t talk about all of the songs so maybe I’ll do a part two, we’ll see. Regardless, I hope this will be helpful to someone on their journey because these songs have really helped me.

If anyone is listening to this and would like to share what got them through the week, please comment on this episode’s post on our Instagram page WhatGotMeThroughTheWeek, or by email at whatgotmethroughpodcast@gmail.com. Episodes will be posted on HyssopandEbony.com along with the bonus content I mentioned as well, and you can also comment there.

Until next time! Thank you for listening! Bye.

Amber Eboni 7/1/22 Amber Eboni 7/1/22

Our first podcast launches today!

Please check out the Podcast tab and listen to Episode One. The podcast is also available on Podbean. It will expand to other streaming services soon!

Amber Eboni 5/30/22 Amber Eboni 5/30/22

coming soon

Because life is difficult. Because existing can be exhausting. Because I still hope for something better. Our first podcast, The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast™️, will be launching this summer. Let’s talk about what brings us joy as we struggle to survive.

-AE

Episode Three Transcript - The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week?

EPISODE TWO TRANSCRIPT- THE BUTTERFLIES ON THE CONCRETE PODCAST: WHAT GOT ME THROUGH THE WEEK?

Episode One Transcript - The Butterflies On The Concrete Podcast: What Got Me Through The Week?

Our first podcast launches today!

coming soon

Hyssop & Ebony ®